I'm joining up with a writing group over at Lisa- Jo Baker's called Five-Minute Friday where the idea is to write for five minutes flat on a prompt posted on her blog.
It’s time to silence the inner critic.It’s time to hush the voice that whines on and on about how you’re no good.It’s time to cram out the distractions and excuses and take pen to paper, keyboard to screen and write.This week’s prompt is “Truth”
Start
As I stand in front of the mirror, naked, vulnerable and exposed,
I’m not sure if I want the truth. The facts are right there in front of me,
unable to be scrubbed away by soaps and creams during my morning shower. I choose to ignore them, and instead accept
the lies that society has led me to develop, cherish and believe beyond all doubt
during those awkward painful growing times in my life.
I am 35 years (old), 157 cm (short), and 73.5 kg (heavy). Judgement, judgement and another judgement. I
have orange peel cellulite, muffin top and boob droop. Label, label and another
label. I have white lines running the length of my belly that tell the tale of
each baby I carried in my body, in my arms and in my heart. One only six months ago. Do I wish my body
was different? Yes, oh yes. Sadly I do.
But this is the truth of my body. It has done tremendous
things during my journey so far; it has changed, evolved and risen to
challenges. But the more it changes, the more society has taught me to despise
it and be ashamed of it. I don’t want to believe the truth it is telling me; I
just don’t want to accept it as it is. Instead I want lies of make-up and creams, of
weight-loss and personal trainers, and of slimming pants and push-up bras.
Every day when I drop off my beautiful babies to school and kindy, I
tell them they are getting better and better every day. Yet I don’t believe my
own truth, I hope they believe me instead.
Stop
it's hard, isn't it, to face that truth in the mirror and realize that no matter how hard you try, you aren't going to change it, to want to... and then to feel horrible, ungrateful and superficial because you even want to?
ReplyDeletei struggle with that day in and day out - and think i would even without having had the babies just as i watch and feel my body age. oh... to learn the peace of contentment!
appreciate the real-ness in your write today.
That's exactly right, just to be content would be such a gift to myself. Thank you.
DeleteStopping over from the 5MF. I so appreciate your vulnerability in writing this post. I am not a fan of the mirror. I have said some ugly things about myself while looking in it. Self-esteem is something I am continually working on. Praying we both awaken to the reality of how beautiful we really are! Blessings!
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to your words: "Instead I want lies of make-up and creams, of weight-loss and personal trainers, and of slimming pants and push-up bras."
ReplyDeleteIt is always exciting when you hear of a new weight loss plan ... Yet it never seems to work for me.
I'm glad God loves me for who I am, not what I look like. I've just got to learn to do the same!