Why We Should All Just Lose The Mummy Guilt

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how much mummy guilt there is out there. So many different opinions on what to do or what not to do. Every time you turn around, there will be someone criticizing the choices you have made, or showing you something you could be doing better. Sure they may have a wonderful idea, and ideally everyone would do it, but there is so much pressure (often self inflicted) to do everything. 

These people on the internet saying you should do things this way or not this way, will have made their own mistakes or done things they are not proud of.  They just don't tell you about them and they certainly don't put that on Pinterest.

 

Every-time you see something you want to do or incorporate into your life as a mother, you have to weigh it up. Every choice you make, everything you take some time to do comes at a cost. Money, time, giving something else up. You have to own your choices, and believe in yourself.   I love Pinterest as much as the next person, maybe more! but if you don’t give your precious 5 year old that fabulous princess party you pinned with handmade favours and cute pompom decorations, it won’t be the end of the world. She really doesn’t need a three layer castle cake. Sure it would be nice, but at the expense of your finances or sanity? 

I’ll let you into a big big secret.....

Those mums out there.....

The ones posting their awesome projects to Pinterest….. 

They Don't Do Everything

One mum might have a fabulous clean house, but her kids have store-bought lunches and she can’t cook to save herself.

Another mum who is teaching her two year old to write her name in sand, cornstarch and fancy glitter gel has a permanent mountain of laundry in the corner.

Yet another mum who brings the most fabulous melt-in-your-mouth fancy piped cupcakes to preschool for the teachers sometimes puts her children in front of television for way more than the AAP recommended average 0-2 hours per day.

 

You, however, see each of their pins and think I must clean my house, teach my children to write their names in sand AND bake fancy cupcakes. 

And that is where the problem lies.  There are not enough hours in the day to do everything, especially when you have small children. 

Since I have started paying attention to me by doing some writing, other things have suffered. In the interests of helping reduce mummy guilt worldwide, I am going to be brutality honest. Some may judge, some may scoff at why I am giving advice if I don’t have it altogether, but I have decided to put some energy into building myself up and that comes at the expense of something else. If you want to retain an idealistic view of me, stop reading now… 

Go on walk away and come back tomorrow.

If you are ready to see what choices I have made today….. Please read on.

Today I felt I needed to give some priority to my cleaning. So I spent several precious hours while Miss RM 4.5 mths slept, cleaning my bathroom.  Really scrubbing it. Yesterday I chose to spend those precious hours writing a story.   

Here is my beautiful sparkling bathroom. 

So here is what I might post to pinterest /facebook/ instagram/ show my mum. I did think about sharing it with the world, I was so proud of my efforts. First really deep spring clean in almost a year* – before you judge, do you KNOW how difficult it is to properly scrub a deep bath when you are pregnant.

Isn’t it fabulous?  Clean, sparkly, minimalistic. I rock. But then I thought, would my readers get the full story from that? 

Do they know what price I paid for that clean bathroom? 

While I was cleaning….. Miss A 2.5yr came into the bathroom, slipped over and while I was comforting her, she fell forward and bonked her head on the corner of the table.

 

While I was cleaning…..the laundry pile was mutating and growing. The few false starts I had made during the morning were not cutting it today. And the washing machine didn't stop when the folding & ironing wasn't happening.

While I was cleaning….the decluttering pile in the middle of the lounge was not shrinking. No one had magically come and picked it up, sorted it and taken it away for rubbish, charity or sale. (If anyone wants this pile of DH's cables and assorted computer stuff, make me an offer!)

While I was cleaning…. The beds were not making themselves. I forgot to insist on the children doing theirs in the mad rush to get to school. No magnetic chore charts were clipped up today. In fact, I had actually made our bed, and a little someone had pulled back the covers to climb in and watch a movie on the Ipad for the entire time I was cleaning, and I let her, because I was cleaning.  

Tomorrow I will make a different choice as to how to spend those precious hours. Probably folding and de-cluttering. But there will be a different price to pay, maybe something much harder to take a picture of. It might be thirty minutes I didn't spend on the treadmill, healthy wholesome food I didn't bake, a story I didn't write.

The moral  is Stay At Home Mums should not clean, while I’m positive there are people out there who have it all together, they are probably too busy to post to pinterest, and they sure aren’t me.

 Be kind to yourself today and lose the mummy guilt!

* I feel the need to point out that my bathroom had been cleaned many many times over this time, just Swish and Swipe clean, not Rub and Scrub.

What do you feel guilty about? What tasks around the home get prioritized above others? What's your favorite way to spend those few precious hours when baby is sleeping?